“Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it” – Richard Bach, Illusions.

“We are led into truth by great beauty and love, as well as by great suffering” – Mark Nepo

The pandemic lets us know (if we listen) what is working or not for us. We may be asked to give some things up if they don’t serve us well although we will encounter our resistance to give up anything. This is part of the growth – sitting with the knowing of what does not work and the resistance to this knowing.

It may be helpful to take a bird’s view of “What have I learnt in the last 9 months? Let your internal mask drop. If life is impermanent and uncertain, if having control over life is an illusion, if we are continually tested (see blogs 14 to 16), then what is to do with the vastness of this?

“You are always free to choose a different future or a different past for yourself” – Richard Bach.

Is that possible? Yes, and work goes into it. In the last 2 blogs, I wrote about looking inside and the start of developing an internal practice. This blog is more about what can be healed and learned by investing in regular internal examination and practice.

It is possible to find peace in the eye of the storm, even if it starts with glimpses.

It is possible to hold opposites harmoniously – eg “I am soft and strong; I am fearful and hopeful; I am sad and joyful; I am anxious and courageous; I am vulnerable and resilient”.

It is possible to bless everything and everyone even as we feel we are cursed. “Bless everything and everyone that represents what you wish for yourself” – this is the Aloha spirit. A current blessing I bless myself with is “I am a blessing to the world, no more and no less than any other creation in the universe”.

We can work with what is given rather than with what we want (Jack Kornfield); we can develop vast reservoirs of acceptance and forgiveness.

It is possible to find the middle golden way just as Goldilocks did – not too much, not too little, not too small, not too big. This is what we call centering – when we fully inhabit the centre of ourselves (not in the ego-centric sense), there is presence and joy and a strong wish to share and be of service.

It is possible to get out of our own way to be a blessing to everyone else.

Here are some questions that may help with this;

What is going on right now inside me?

Can I see this as my path? I may feel discouraged – is there a lesson or a blessing in this?

What is my most believed thought? This may be hidden to start with so drop into the body, notice what is going on and come back to it later (resistance comes as a veil sometimes – “how would I know?”). Some widely held beliefs are “I can’t do this” or “This is too much or I am too much”.

What is this belief? Please do not go to the why of anything as it may increase resistance (the refuge of the mind).

How big is my attachment to this belief? Does it work for me? Can I let it go? What is in the way? How do I feel right now? How is my body doing now; my breath; my energy?

Can I let this experience just be?

You can repeat this anytime you encounter a difficult moment. Document and review.

I hope this can work as an internal broom when we are faced with what life asks of us. As we cleanse continuously with the help of this broom or others, we can make space for what we wish for. I believe deep down we wish for the same things – health, love, joy, peace. It is simple and yet, we complicate things endlessly through paying lip service to these words (more resistance) or through our multi-generational conditioning (see previous question about your most believed thought) which blinds us to possibilities and to our potential.

We accumulate our own conditioning and may pass it onto the next generation otherwise and so the cycle of suffering continues.

I worked with a woman in her 80’s who said to me “This is my last chance to fix up the messes I created for myself and others”. How brave is this? And never too late.

For many of us who are beleaguered by the need to make a living, raise children in the midst of a pandemic, not being able to visit and support loved ones or not feeling supported through the consequences of having to shut down social encounters, this may seem a luxury. My question is what is the price we will pay if we don’t do the internal work which will help us grow and “fix up our messes” and the messes we created all over the planet.

Can you sit with this question just for a few minutes? Is it possible that the teeny virus is a message for us to look at ourselves as part of the web of life (the potential of consciousness) and heed? What may be the message that we need to hear? As I sat with this question, it came to me that this is a call to realize our inter-connectedness with all forms of life. To me, the virus is not our enemy, it is trying to live as we do. It came onto us possibly because we have disrupted its way of life as we have done with species of which we may have not even known existed. It is a warning to all of us – we may be displaced too (and internally we are); so are millions of refugees all over the world) and more. As I sat with this, I felt very discouraged and sorrowful; also angry at ourselves as ignorant and arrogant humans. I sat with this too and eventually it made way to compassion for myself and everyone else (remember the light shining in the midst of darkness – blog no. 17). If this is what we know and what we have done so far, what can I do knowing what I know (not as mental knowing, rather as expanding consciousness)? How can I bring more compassion and kindness to shine onto the darkness we all created? And how am I going to nurture myself knowing this is a hard and long way ahead?

I emerged from this feeling more centered and clearer about my wish to be of service, how, my strengths and limitations and the support I need.

Here are some of the commitments I made – I will carry on the healing work with people, knowing this is a time of great needs, coming with an open heart and mind into every encounter; at the same time, I will hold myself with compassion as I am not able to meet all needs.

I will treat anyone I encounter with extra kindness and compassion and bless them. When I start judging, controlling, solving etc., I will hold myself accountable, gently and firmly.

I need to extend the service outside of the walls of the therapy room through other means. One of them is through teaching yoga by donation, all going to the Ugandan project (see blog no 17). Others will be revealed as I go inside again and again.

As I have more time (one of the COVID blessings), I will invest it into what matters to me and may be of service to others (like writing this). I may wish to learn some new things that will help me become a better version of myself or explore my natural world with an open eye and heart for the purpose of marvelling in it, honouring it and serving it.

This is a loving invitation to nudge yourself too. We can fumble together as we do.

Your questions, comments and feedback are very welcome.

With warm blessings for your health and well-being,

Lydia

Lesson No. 6 – This may be a golden opportunity for growth