“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” – Richard Hawkins in Power vs. Force, the Buddha, Sadhguru

We are tested right now and this time, on an unprecedented scale that is encompassing of all humanity. What do we do with this test?

You have probably noticed that there are as many responses to this as there are people and more. Some examples of recent responses would be - people disappearing into their suffering – I lost a few friends this way and I know of others who did too; when going out, I feel the anxious energy and the edge which feels thin at times – more outbursts, less grounding and containing, more rawness, impatience and judgment of others’ choices and behaviours. Some of my clients are going through bouts of severe anxiety, depression, distance and conflict in relationships and sometimes increased levels of aggression directed at self or others. We can all find examples of people being deeply affected by the COVID situation and reacting in ways that feel unrecognizable to us and we too have our share in these.

For some of us, this situation brings up past events which trigger our suffering and we may currently repeat the responses to the old pain and apply them to this one. We are creatures of habit and quick to pursue (automatically) the familiar although it may have not worked for us in the past. This begs then the question of how we do renew ourselves or heal previous suffering through going inside, learning from the past and practicing the lessons in the present to serve our future.

This presents hard challenges and yet, there are rich opportunities here.

Take some time to contemplate and/or write the following:

I would like to ask you – how are you showing up for this hard test?

When was the last time you called someone who you know may be struggling? If you haven’t, what is in the way?

Have you responded to judgment and harshness in kind or have you consciously practiced compassion and kindness when met with the above?

Have you gone into extremes such as escapism, lethargy and constant blame or are you aware of the golden (median) way and consciously practice it?

How are you owning your part in this situation? What can you do to be of service and benefit to humanity and our planet?

The Dalai Lama says that when you are miserable, go out and smile to a hand peddler or buy them food or give them money and your suffering changes immediately into gratitude, warmth and “being a pleasant piece of life” -Sadhguru.

What are the lies you tell yourself and how can you be more accountable and honest?

“Our only obligation is to be true to ourselves. It is impossible to be true to something or someone else” – Richard Bach

Can you hold everyone including yourself with compassion even when you/ them react in ways that are not beneficial to you and others?

These are not easy questions and yet, worthwhile to sit with and contemplate upon.

I was told once by one of my spiritual teachers that the more we grow in consciousness, the more tests we are going to encounter. Initially, I reacted with disbelief and denial; I coloured my response with aversion (“I don’t want or like this”) until I had the courage to start looking at the lesson. I discovered the truth of the statement and I can accept it now. I also discovered that we get breaks from pain/tests in which we can lick our wounds and pause for sustenance, healing and learning. Another thing I discovered is that in the midst of the worst suffering we can also find the deepest joy. More about darkness and light in the next blog.

Here is an example of this – a group of us (family and a yoga group) are supporting a village in Uganda and we have forged close and warm relationships with the school principal in this place. The families in the village struggled with the lockdown as they could not travel to the local market and buy food or medical necessities. They also have few resources as it is. We sent some money to help them out. On one occasion, I received the most gracious letter from the principal advising us that they used some of the money to help a very disabled aged man – they bought him a mattress and blanket and fixed his hut which had no windows and no door. When I saw this man’s picture sitting on his new mattress with his new colourful blanket with no hands and feet and with the biggest and warmest smile on his face, I burst into tears. The principal quoted him saying: “I knew God has not forgotten me”. This for me was the most hopeful statement I heard in a long time coming from someone who knows pain in ways I cannot imagine, living my own privileged life. And in the midst of the pandemic.

Next, I had to ask myself – am I capable of this kind of gratitude and grace especially during hard times? If this man can show so much joy when the stakes are piled against him, how can I who has so much more? Why is it that the more complicated we make our lives, the less we experience fully the simple and small acts of life?

I do not pretend to have the answers; the questions help me with the unveiling of the lies I tell myself and with the search for getting out of my own way (the egoic way). They also help me with setting clearer and purer intentions for myself – an example of this would be to create the intention of being grateful for everything, including the pain/tests. I then need daily reminders that hold me accountable; when I whine, I ask myself “Is this the best you can do? What are other responses you can come up with (“Our ability to respond is unlimited” – Sadhguru). Are you true to your intention?” If I stray, the reminder also helps with holding myself gently in my limitations and returning to the path that the intention set for me.

Becoming more the witness of the tests rather than identifying/ clinging to the pain or the loss of pre-pandemic pleasures helps having more distance from it and gaining perspective; the more we get attached to the form/content of the pain, the whys and the ifs/buts, the more we are going to suffer and the more we identify with our suffering and make it ours/take it on or leak it on others. Becoming a witness/ dispassionate observer takes practice. Give it your time and energy and be patient with yourself.

One way that may help to become more of the witness of your experiences, “good, bad and ugly” is to say to yourself (and you can start loudly so you can hear yourself) “thought” or “observing thoughts” anytime you catch one. You need not go into the content of the thought or the event that may have created it; the more you do this and on a daily basis, the easier it becomes to catch them sooner. The gaps where there will be less or no thoughts are growing bigger and you will hopefully find “blanks” where there is silence and peace. You do not need to sit in meditation in order to do that; try practicing this as you go about your daily life. The less thoughts you have (especially of the unwanted, uninvited kind), the more you will be able to be present to your experiences. Many spiritual teachers convey that we do not experience anymore suffering when we live fully in the here and now. Check it for yourself or find other ways to become more present to yourself such as living in your body instead of in your mind or paying utmost attention to/ being fully immersed in everything you take on.

If these questions helped you gain a bit more distance from this current test, I am grateful for that. If you feel you can take them with you as an aid to help you be with the pain of the times with less suffering, please do and share with others as well.

Your feedback and questions are always welcome.

With warm blessings for your health and well-being,

Lydia

Lesson No. 3 – Life comes with a series of tests which entail pain and suffering